Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food and good companionship.
She goes Tuesdays and I go Fridays.

We also sleep in separate beds.  Hers is in Melbourne and mine is in Sydney.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
Therefore, I suggested the kitchen.

We always hold hands.  If I let go, she shops.

She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker.

Then she said, "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" Therefore, I bought her an electric chair.

My wife told me the car was not running well because there was water in the carburetor.  I asked where the car was, she told me, "In the river."

She got a mudpack and looked great for two days.  Then the mud fell off.

Remember ...  Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.  Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.

I married Miss Right.  I just did not know her first name was 'Always'.

I have not spoken to my wife for 18 months.  I do not like to interrupt her.

The last fight was my fault.  My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"...  I said, 'Dust!"